HOW TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE-PLEASER

Trying to be yourself while also trying to make everyone happy is like chasing a rainbow—you'll never quite catch it. And let's face it, breaking away from that constant need for approval is tough. Many women get caught up in what's called the 'nice girl syndrome,' where they're always polite, speak moderately, and tend to follow orders.

According to Lois P. Frankel's book, 'Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers' adhering to this 'excessive niceness' actually holds you back, both personally and professionally. It means you end up putting your own dreams on hold, hiding your true self, and avoiding speaking up with your real thoughts and feelings.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook told his former COO, Sheryl Sandberg, one of the world’s most respected women leaders, “Your desire to be liked is going to hold you back”, which she acknowledges was right in her book “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead”. She goes on to say that it is also difficult to resist giving in to this desire because being liked by people is also important for your personal and professional development. As Sheryl explains, the issue is that “successful women are not liked,” unlike men. On the other hand, studies show that to be a leader, women not only have to show their competence but also have to be liked.
As writer Ken Auletta Says in ‘The New Yorker’, wanting women to like you has a destructive side, because “we end up doubting our abilities as a defense mechanism, and we diminish our accomplishments in public." 
Here are some tips on how to embrace your true self and destroy the need to be liked by everyone: 

1. Love Yourself and Be Proud of Who You Are and What You Think. 

Embrace and cherish yourself, celebrate the unique essence of who you are and the depth of your thoughts. As shared by psychologists, personal coaches, and influential figures like Oprah Winfrey, analyse your strengths and weaknesses and learn to accept them.

2. Someone Will Always Like You; It Doesn't Have to be Everyone. 

Famous Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says, “If you think about being liked, you are not going to make an honest story, because you are going to be afraid of offending, that is going to ruin your story, and also the world is so wonderful, diverse, and with so many facets that there will always be someone. Whoever likes you, you don't need to twist yourself into different shapes."

3. There is a Difference Between Doing Well and Pleasing Others To Be Liked All The Time. 

Psychology Today Magazine advises to “Learn to live with negative things like the fact that you cannot please everyone all the time, and accept what you cannot change because giving too much of oneself or committing too much, there comes a point where the balance of what is healthy to give or do for others.” It is important to take care of yourself and your needs. 
HOW TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE-PLEASER

4. Learn To Handle Criticism. 

According to Arianna Huffington, the well-known businesswoman and writer, "It is not realistic to tell women not to care if they are attacked." She recommends that women should follow the role model of children, giving themselves space to react emotionally, and "feel anger or sorrow," and then move forward.

5. Practice Assertiveness. 

Instead of trying to play the middle ground and restrain yourself to pleasing others, it is good to practice assertiveness to establish your status.

6. Women are Liked More Not When They are Strong or Erudite, But When They Show Emotions. 

According to the Harvard Business Review, Hillary Clinton, who was not very popular, raised people's perception of her when she cried at one of her events.



Embracing individuality and self-acceptance empowers individuals to focus more on the goals to be reached and helps provide better quality work which in turn pushes you to aim higher. When will you break free and appreciate yourself for who you are?

 By:                                                          
Carla De La Vega and Revathi Sreejith

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